i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
