her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
