Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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