wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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