I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
