hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
