This is not my ceiling
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
