One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
