the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
