they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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