is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
As shirtless as possible
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
