then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
