Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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