WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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