It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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