In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
