our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
PANTIES FOUND
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