last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
