So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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