The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
