you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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