my shit smells like andre
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
tell me about the eggs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize