just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
