Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They are going to name an STD after you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
