Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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