I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
