Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
