youre lurking in front of me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
