saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
