I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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