it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
