Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
