I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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