This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
