things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
