idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
