Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize