If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
