So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize