Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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