Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
