Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
soo... how was my night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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