I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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