Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize