just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
