I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
