Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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