She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
