Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
