I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
