you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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