I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
