He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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