She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
