I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize