Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
