they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
