i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
