i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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