Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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