I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
