Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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