I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
