i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
