I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
