So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Randomize
