i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Holy shit dude........stairs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
