just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
