My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
