Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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