don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
